Ever since Mitch took on this new overnight shift at his job, I've been becoming more and more independent. I've been realizing that I've been thinking about him less and focusing more on what I want. At first I thought, "Damn, am I a bitch or what?". But then I realized that being independent and doing things that make you happy isn't selfish or bitchy. I'm becoming a better person. A stronger person (Not there yet but on the road with a few more exits to go).
Last night at around 6am, Mitch woke me up, hugging me gently and kissing me. He whispered to me that he loved me and that he was sorry for waking me up. He just wanted to talk to me. Not about anything in particular, like the bills, our jobs, or anything like that. Just wanting to talk with me because he felt lonely and wanted to be with me. I'll admit, my strong feelings of loneliness have pretty much drifted away for the most part, but after hearing those strong, emotional words last night, I couldn't help but feel awful and happy at the same time. I felt happy because even though he was sad, I realized just how much he not only wanted me, but needed and loved me. Awful, because I felt that somehow it was my fault for him feeling this way (Hey, mind you it was 6am and my brain isn't all there).
I know that it wasn't my fault for Mitch feeling this way, but if anyone person is to blame, it would have to be both of us. When he sleeps, I'm awake, and when I sleep, he's awake. We're lucky if we get 20 minutes in a work day to talk to each other.
I love him so much. I don't ever want him to feel lonely, but you know what? I actually think him taking the overnight shift has helped to improve our relationship.We're now closer than ever before and I wouldn't change that for anything.
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